tolerating anxiety

An excerpt from Zen Digital Makeover:

‘You should know the different terms for the original mind. It is called the adamantine actuality, the indestructible body of reality. This mind is not hung up on things; it is unafraid, unshakable, undismayed, unfazed, undisturbed, and unchanged, master of all.’

— Zen Master Suzuki Shosan[1]

In my first Shaolin group, I was known for my obsession with the practice everyone hated: burning. Holding stances until the body burns and shakes and the mind conjures excuses to back down.

It became a daily date with myself, searching for my hidden tendencies to avoid, cheat and quit.

Over time, I discovered two methods.

One: Be systematic, not random. 4 minutes yesterday? 4:05 today. Take the negotiation and fluctuations in motivation out of the equation.

To overcome the genius of the excuse-making mind, you must be systematic. Structure, intention and organisation are the keys to ensure you are not at the whim of emotional drama.

Two: When you want to struggle and breathe fast, relax and breathe slowly.

Smile when That Voice tempts you to back down. Sink deeper. Hold your seat. Find pleasure in pain, quiet in the eye of the storm. Look for the position of most discomfort and relax into it. Look the devil in the eye.

Become unshakeable by seeking out what makes you shake. Dig up your nervous, avoidant energy and, when it surfaces, exhale deeply to alchemise it into still internal power. This utter stillness within power is the signature that separates Shaolin warrior monks from pumped-up weightlifters.

‘There are three protocols for generals and commanders of an army: do not wear fur coats in the winter; do not use fans in the summer; do not open umbrellas on rainy days.’

— Tai Gong

We live in a comfort-seeking society.

Nomophobia, fear of separation from your phone, is real. Most fear silence and fill it with tech, which promises escape.

Shame it doesn’t work.

The Backwards Law: the more you pursue something outside, the less you experience it within.

Seek external comfort, and you create internal discomfort.

Embrace external discomfort, and you discover internal comfort.

Studies suggest some feel more anxious when spending time away from the phone. Some scientists conclude they shouldn’t try.

This is like saying you should stop exercising if you find it difficult.

People have forgotten the concept of training. It’s supposed to be hard. Everything is hard before it’s easy.

A core teaching of the Buddha is that life is challenging. This cannot be avoided. There is no lasting comfort that you can grasp from the external world.

Here’s the question: Will you step into challenge on your terms, or avoid it and wait for it to find you?

In my training and retreats, I lean into challenge a hundred times more difficult than regular daily dramas. That way, in regular life nothing can faze me.

‘The Deep Work Hypothesis: The ability to perform deep work is becoming increasingly rare at exactly the same time it is becoming increasingly valuable in our economy. As a consequence, the few who cultivate this skill, and then make it the core of their working life, will thrive.’

— Cal Newport, Deep Work

Today, many spend most of their lives trapped in shallow, anxious impulse. I feel great compassion towards them.

How many people you know are calm and organised, capable of multiple hours of undistracted focus per day?

Depth is a scarce asset. The bar is shockingly low. Cultivate it and you will not only be more peaceful but have a tremendous strategic advantage in the world.

Gradually increase the doses of space in your life.

Be systematic. One hour after waking before checking email last week? One hour fifteen this week.

Delete or block distractions in that window. If you (1) use the recommendations in this book (app limiting, in particular) and (2) practice this consistently over time, That Voice will give up trying to negotiate with you.

It will stop telling you that you ‘need’ to be responsive or that you ‘need’ Netflix to wind down. You realise all ‘needs’ are products of your imagination. Belief systems that you’ve inhaled. That you can exhale.

On my last day at Goldman Sachs, I had a handover with my successor. I asked her why she was sending emails at midnight.

‘Well, know how it is to work at Goldman Sachs. Nature of the job.’

I replied, ‘I haven’t worked past 6pm or used a work phone for years. I check email and instant messaging a handful of times per day and not for the first two hours of work. I do this not to shirk work but to maximise effectiveness. I have a great relationship with the guys I work with. They accept my unusual working style because I deliver the goods and never miss deadlines. I enjoy my job and I’m not stressed. If you believe that working in an elite institution is a death sentence for your sanity, you will create that reality. But you don’t have to.’

[1] Great stuff, right? They don’t write like that these days.